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Zuma Counts as much as he can count.

The list of people , objects and even situations that would be better suited for running South Africa at this point than Jacob Zuma.


  1. Starting with the obvious, anyone that can read any number written down on paper.
  2. Let’s get it out of the way, you, me, your friend from Knysna, that aunt you only see every second year on some family gathering, and just about everyone else in South Africa, this obviously always excludes that what even is he Julius Malema and ffs dude Nicholis Louw.
  3. A dead AA battery.
  4. Those blue ice things all our parents have in the back of the freezer.
  5. A pencil marking on a very unimportant paper.
  6. The waiting time between breaths.
  7. The advertisements on youtube if you still don’t use adblock.
  8. The letters T and L whenever they meet somewhere in a gently read sentence..
  9. That joke about the guy that walks into a bar and says ouch, well not the guy in the joke specifically , but more the joke itself, I believe that in essence it would rule SA in a more literal and to the point way that could hurt if you knew it was referring to a real bar made of metal and not the drinking kind of bar.
  10. The event known as Load Shedding. At least you know you’re fucked 30 min in advance and can plan accordingly.
  11. Q20 a product that has been fixing shit all over South Africa for decades.
  12. The cast from Jersey Shore.
  13. The absolute irrelevance of number 13.
  14. A click here to download button.
  15. Anyone who knew what a firepool was before Zuma had one.
  16. Something that grows on yellow correctly, yet avoids grey as it seems not to resonate with it. I wonder why.. Amazing.
  17. That ‘another brick in the wall’ part.
  18. A moment in the life of the guy who thought e-tolls would work.
  19. The role duck tape plays in South African Taxi culture, at least it knows how to hold things together.
  20. A poem that has only two lines.
  21. Alf.
  22. Everyone that was not prepared, that then had to spend all that time to get prepared, and now has to I guess come to the realisation that your preparedness was now at last for nothing because isn’t illidan now the new class in wow?
  23. Blue shirt guy for knowing that thing that he knew.
  24. Every boy band singing to whatever that age is that girls are at when boy bands seem to matter. Both would do a better job yet neither would ever be missed.
  25. Ron Burgundy at his lowest point, not in the movie anchorman but when he appeared on Justin Bieber’s not so much a roast as it should have been, but ending up being some sort of, I don’t know I guess, group of actors still wondering what the fuck they did that night.
  26. The one episode Series, Quarterlife.
  27. Every pointless rant from people like Rian van Heerden.
  28. The amount of adds Tuks FM now has. I would rather listen to them than see this Zuma add anything.
  29. The one that got away, Chris and Penny and using the word nice, of all the words you could have chosen, you chose nice…
  30. Leslie Knope.
  31. That streetcar named desire.
  32. Zuma’s fourth wife. And the shower he took for AIDS.
  33. 16 and pregnant, honey booboo, the first guy that won that show were the people live in a house until someone gets money for being the last one in the house.
  34. A piece of yarn caught between something.
  35. Reese with her spoon.
  36. Randy Marsh.
  37. The confusion you must be feeling at this point.
  38. That amazing feeling that you get, when you see the shit that has been hitting this amazing country square in the face, caused by one man that can barely count is almost at an end.

Well done SA, he might still be president, but at least no he also knows how incompetent he is. Let’s learn from this, there is hope for the future.

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